Where the Wild Things *REALLY* Are

… he sailed off through night and day

and in and out of weeks

and almost over a year…

When Max traveled by boat to the place where the wild things are, it turns out he was just entered into a sleep-deprived hallucinogenic state. This is according to a study done by the same group of Harvard Medical School research scientists that show up to study the tendacies of adventure racers at expedition-length races like Primal Quest (no joke, except the part about studying Max).

To us racers, true sightings of wild beasts are a rare and fleeting privilege. Sure, they are something to be wary of, but normally nothing to fear. We are immersed in their habitat for days, traveling through the night, frequently off-trail. As good as the opportunities are for a chance encounter during an expedition AR, for the most part the wild things we experience are wildly hallucinated versions of the real deal. Don't get me wrong, the imagined, one of a kind beasts that we concoct sometimes bring about the same effect as seeing, say, an 800 pound Grizzly bear.

Due to a genetic defect, expedition adventurers actually crave the kind of hallucinations that give us the uncontrollable urge to crap our shorts. That's why race officials require racers to carry a waste disposal, or WAG, bag as mandatory gear. If you don’t turn a full WAG bag at each TA, you are sent to the medical tent for evaluation, where they determine if your bowels are suitable to continue on with the race.

Here are a few of my personal favorite hallucinations from previous expedition races:

- The big green poodle on Baker Lake (PQ04) – actually a tree stump with moss growing on it

- The boy with the grotesquely contorted head (PQ04) – a tree branch

- Miscellaneous bobbing heads, including a witch-like woman and Ronald Reagan (PQ04, PQ06) - who knows what caused Ken to see the Gipper

- Giant pictographs of various monsters in Hell Roaring Canyon (PQ06) – just natural patterns in the red cliffs

- Two dead cows bloated to the size of Macy’s Day Parade Balloons (PQ06) – Oh! that one turned out to be real

I was reminded the other day that if I see a Grizzly Bear and it appears to be suspended in air, its probably just another cool hallucination … but I’ll keep my gigantic, mandatory canister of pepper spray handy, just in case!